Relating

Have you seen that commercial for medication for people with Depression? The commercial repeats over and over again that Depression hurts. They are right Depression affects everyone around you in some form or fashion.

In my last post I talked about catching the early signs of Depression but what about the people that are not diagnosed with Depression? It’s important to think of all the other relationships that the person with Depression has. It’s important to find a place where they can be open about how they feel about their loved one who is dealing with Depression.

Family members, loved ones, and friends who have a person in their life that is dealing with Depression may feel abandoned, confused, angry, sad, and an array of emotions.

An eminent child psychologist once observed that all children need at least one adult who is irrationally enthusiastic about them. I agree with this completely. When my mom started showing signs of her medical diagnosis, the feelings that came up inside of me really turned me upside down. Unfortunately I played the role of the strong one in the relationship and did not find a place where I could deal with the situation. At that time, I didn’t even know if there were places for people like me to go.

Thankfully in the twenty years since my mother’s Depression diagnosis, places for family member to open up like flowers in spring. I want to focus on teens and children at the moment because they seem to be the ones most affected by a parent who has Depression.

Discuss the Depression
One of the worst things parents and family members can do is keep the children in the dark. I remember that being kept in the dark only made me angry and defiant. By discussing the illness and its results, it allows a child to prepare for a situation to arise.

Discuss the Depression more
Find a place where teens can be part of a group and discuss freely what is going on at home. Every school has a school nurse or counselor that can help teens find a location to openly discuss their feelings. Check with county medical clinics and local hospitals. The Technical Assistance Partnership has a vast amount of resources dealing with Depression, mental illnesses and family cases.

Develop and maintain relationships outside the home
This is crucial for teens and children who have a parent dealing with Depression, especially a teen that has a single parent dealing with Depression. If the parent does not recognize it himself or herself, then a family member or teacher needs to take the initiative to make sure that a teen continues to grow.

I’ll be honest for the first few years of my mother’s depression, I felt like I was stuck at the age 17. At times in my educational goals, I still feel like I’m stuck at the age of 17. I believe this happened because I was not able to build relationships outside of the home.

Teens not only need to have these relationships but they need to learn how to be open about what is going on at home. It’s difficult to tell someone that is to be your friend that you’re Mom or Dad is dealing with Depression. A teen may not say anything at all because they could be afraid of being rejected by friends.

Keep an eye out for the signs
Some teens deal with Depression in the family with no problem. Other teens may become depressed themselves. A family member should always keep an eye on a teen just in case they also start showing signs of depression.

Those signs of Depression could be:
Frequent vague, non-specific physical complaints such as headaches, muscle aches, stomach pains or tiredness.

Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school

Talk of, or efforts to run away from home

Outbursts of shouting, complaining, unexplained irritability, or crying.

Lack of interest in playing with friends

Alcohol or substance abuse

Social isolation, poor communication

Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure

Difficulty with relationships

It’s my hope that this information helps at least one person that has a family member dealing with Depression. I remember how it was when my Mom was diagnosed with Depression and I just want everyone to get the help that I ignored in the past.